Oh My, My, My
by JoChryedLover
Summary: All human. A Bella and Edward story based loosely on Taylor Swift's "Mary's Song - Oh My My My" . Following Bella and Edward from the age of 7, through to 18 and possibly later depending on reader response. Rated T for language in later chapters.
1. Prologue

**This is my latest fanfic, loosely based on Taylor Swift's "Mary's Song (Oh My My My)"**.

**It follows Bella and Edward from the age of 7, through 18, possibly later depending on reader response. **

**All human.**

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I had known Edward since I was 7 years old. We had grown up together in the town of Forks, and now we were facing our High School graduation together. I'm not ashamed to admit that over the last 11 years, I fell in love with Edward. That's not to say that we had the perfect, fairytale romance, far from it. When we turned 16, Edward found his first girlfriend in the form of Jessica Stanley. It was at that moment that I realised that I loved Edward as more than a brother. The jealousy I felt as I watched them grow closer was unbearable. And then, when we reached the age of 18, I thought I had found my soul mate in the form of Jacob Black, and Edward had moved onto Rosalie Hale, the most popular and beautiful girl in the whole school. But, then came my kidnapping, and I found out how far Edward was willing to go, how much he was willing to risk, in order to save me. As we looked into the camera in our graduation gowns, our arms wrapped around one another tightly, we were ready to start a new chapter in our lives. This is my story. This is our story. And I hope you enjoy it.

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**Please click on that little review button at the bottom and let me know what you think!!**

**xoxoxo  
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	2. The Stars That Shine

**Sorry that it took so long to update this!! I really was planning on getting this chapter written and posted sooner, but I've just been so busy lately!!  
I hope you all like it, please take the time to let me know what you think!  


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**_I was 7 years old when I met Edward Cullen. I still remember it like it was yesterday..._

"Ella-Bella, can you come down here please?" my dad called from the living room. I smiled widely and bounded down the stairs. I used to love his nickname for me.

As I danced my way into the living room, it was to see a gathering of people who I did not know in front of the television, watching me enter. Instinctively, I went to stand by my dad, clinging to him for support.

"Bella, honey, these are our new neighbours. This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, and his wife, Esme."

"Hello, Bella," the woman, Esme, had stepped forward a little to introduce herself to me. She smiled warmly at me, and held out her hand. Esme was very pretty, with a similar hair colour to my own, only hers was intricately curled. Looking to my dad for advice, I stepped out from behind him to shake her hand. "Edward, come and say hi to Bella. Edward is your age," she informed me.

I looked over, and could see the boy she was referring to. He had a strange hair colour. It reminded me of a shiny new bronze coin. His eyes were a bright green colour. Something about him seemed to draw me in, and I remember thinking that he was pretty like the stars in the sky. The boy, Edward, seemed to be just as shy as me when it came to meeting new people. As I had gotten over my original shyness, I walked over to him and held out my hand to him, as his mother had done to me. Looking to his father for reassurance, Edward only took my hand when he saw his father's affirming nod, and he took my hand for only a brief second before letting it go and looking away from me, causing me to giggle a little.

I was distracted by a sound coming from the corner, near Dr. Cullen. Carlisle had sandy blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes. Glancing over, I realised that there was another child in Dr. Cullen's lap. She looked a little younger than Edward and me, maybe around 4 years old. She was asleep.

"This is our little Alice. She's a little tired from the long journey."

Alice was the opposite of Edward. She had jet black hair, and blue eyes, like her father.

"Ella-Bella, why don't you go and show Edward where you like to play, while I get to know Dr. and Mrs. Cullen a little better?"

I smiled widely up at my dad, grabbing Edward's hand and rushing out of the door before he could turn back and cling onto his parents. I grinned as I heard my dad chuckle follow me out of the door. I kept a hold on Edward's hand as I led him a little way into the trees, into the little clearing which I liked to play in on the rare nice days in Forks. Once I let go of his hand, he looked back in the direction of the house, then back to me, then back to the house. I laughed at his indecision, and headed over to the cubby hole in the tree where I kept some of my outdoor play things. Looking through, I tried to find something which we could play with together, and settled on a ball. A little boring, but it was the only non-feminine toy that I owned. I called his name and tossed the ball to him, giggling a little as he caught it in surprise. He toyed with it for a few moments, before tossing it back to me. We passed the ball between us silently for a few minutes, before he got the courage to speak to me.

"Where's your mother?" He had a look of...concern? in his eyes.

I had to pause for a moment before answering. I tossed the ball to him, and went to sit on the fallen tree across from him.

"She died two years ago. She was in a motorcycle accident. After it happened, dad made me swear I'd never ever ride one."

Maybe he could sense that I was getting upset, or maybe he was just acting the way he was brought up, but whatever the reason, Edward came to sit by me, balancing the ball between us.

"My parents, my real parents, they died, too."

I gave him a look of confusion. "I thought Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were your parents?"

Edward shook his head. "No, they adopted me after my parents died in a car crash. I was very young, so I don't really remember them. I was the only one to survive."

Tentatively, I reached across and touched his hand. He didn't shake me off, as I expected him to. Instead, he twisted his hand under mine and interlocked his fingers with mine. I smiled softly at him, and after a couple of moments, we stood, at exactly the same time. We laughed together, and I grabbed my ball and motioned for Edward to follow me. I took him to some of my favourite places which my dad allowed me to go. I teased him a little about his messy hair, and he joked that he would beat me up; after all, he was bigger than me. But he never did. For some reason, I just seemed to trust him, and I knew, even then, that he would never hurt me. To get back at him, I dared him to kiss me, calling him a girl when he refused. Eventually, he agreed, and I ran from him when he tried, laughing as he chased me into the trees. Before we knew it, our parents were calling us back to the house. I put my ball back in its cubby hole, and we ran back to my house hand in hand. After some begging on mine and Edward's part, the Cullens allowed Edward to have dinner with us, and afterwards, Edward and I played up in my room. When the sun started to set, Carlisle returned to collect Edward. After both of our fathers had promised that we would see one another at school the next day, we said our goodbyes, and I watched Edward leave with his father from my bedroom window.

_From that day, Edward and I had become inseparable. We did everything together at school, and we were always at one another's houses. Sometimes, when our families got together, I would hear our fathers laughing and joking about Edward and I falling in love when we were older, and I simply rolled my eyes, along with Esme, neither of us daring to imagine that, one day, that would be true.  


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_**I hope you all liked it, please click that little REVIEW button and let me know!!  
xoxoxo**


	3. Fall In Love

**Once again, sorry for the lack of updates!! I've been crazy busy the last couple of weeks!  
I hope you all like this part!  
Also, apologies for the huge age jump; but I didn't really think I could do much with Edward and Bella between the ages of 7 and 15, so I have jumped straight into Bella's 16th birthday.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed my last chapter, and apologies if I didn't reply to you personally, as I said, I've been crazy busy. I promise to try to reply to everyone personally from now on!!  
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Standing in the middle of our meadow, as Edward stalked towards me, I thought of how perfect this summer had been. I squealed as Edward increased his pace, and started to run from him. He looked like a predator stalking his prey. He caught me round my waist with ease, and we fell to the ground, laughing. We lay in the meadow for hours, not saying or doing anything, just simply happy to be with one another. In another couple of weeks, Edward would be attending Harvard University, while I would be studying in California. We had talked about it a lot, and we knew that it was going to be hard to be so far away from one another, but after we had come so close to losing one another before, we knew that, somehow, we would make it work. Neither of us wanted to lose the other ever again.**

I groaned as my alarm buzzed. Another day of school. Summer break seemed so long ago now, despite it being only September. The 13th of September. Today was my 16th birthday. I grinned as I re-opened my eyes, and sat up to see another grin answering mine.  
"Edward!" I all but sang, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. He was sitting in my old rocking chair, completely dressed for school, a small thin envelope in his hands.  
Edward had grown more handsome over the last few years. His hair was still the same bronze, and his eyes were still the same striking green. A lot of the girls in school had a crush on him, and I have to admit that, having seen his chest for myself, I didn't blame them. Edward and I were so close that I didn't feel the way that the other girls did, and a lot of them were jealous of the closeness that I shared with him.  
"Happy Birthday," he smiled, walking over and perching himself on the edge of my bed before handing me the envelope.  
I grinned at him, taking it from him and tearing it open to reveal a pretty, hand-crafted card. Edward was very artistic, and loved making me things. Every year since my 10th birthday, he had hand-crafted my birthday card. The card today was the prettiest of all, with glitter, and flowers, and butterflies, and pink.  
"Thanks, Edward," I smiled at him, and he leaned across to give me a hug.  
"I just finished your present, it's still drying. I'll give you it later."  
Edward also liked to make my gifts for me; he said that they were more personal and special that way.  
"Can't I see it before school?" I pouted at him. He knew I hated to wait for things.  
He shook his head, and I huffed some more. But no matter how much I huffed, pouted, begged and complained, his answer was still no.  
There was a knock on my door, and my dad came in to give me my gift. He wasn't surprised to see that Edward was already here; he spent more time here than he did at home.  
"Happy Birthday, Ella-Bella."  
"Dad," I huffed. "I told you, that's a kid's name."  
"No matter how old you get, you'll always be Ella-Bella to me," he ruffled my hair, making me scowl, and blush a little.  
I unwrapped my dad's gift; a small box. It was an iPod.  
"Wow! Thanks, dad," I beamed up at him, my previous annoyance and embarrassment all but disappeared.  
"I had someone at the station put all your favourite songs on there, saves you driving me crazy with them all the time." He ruffled my hair again before he and Edward left me to get dressed.

The whole walk to school, I'd been begging Edward to give me some clues about my gift, but he wasn't budging.  
"You know, Charlie's gift was really a selfish gift, if you think about it," he said, trying to change the subject.  
I opened my mouth to reply, but I didn't get a chance.  
"Eddie!!" I rolled my eyes as I heard _her _voice echo across the school parking lot before _she_ came into my line of sight. Jessica Stanley. She was a popular girl, and most of the guys wanted to be seen with her. But the only guy she wanted to be seen with happened to be my best friend.  
"I...I'd better go..." he threw me an apologetic look before half-running over to her and scooping her up into his arms. I scowled a little as I watched him with her, but before I could figure out why; my other best friend appeared at my side.  
"Happy Birthday!" Angela squealed at me. I grinned at her as she hugged me, handing me a birthday card. "But, why so grumpy?" Damn, Angela saw _everything._ She followed my gaze to where Jessica was rapidly filling Edward in on everything he had missed in the past few hours of being apart. Angela had a grin on her face.  
"What's so funny?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.  
"I think a certain someone may be experiencing a little jealousy. Am I right?"  
"What?" I shook my head at her. "That's crazy. Edward and I are just good friends. You know that. He's my best friend. Always has been."  
"Then why do you stare daggers whenever Jessica Stanley comes anywhere near him?"  
I opened my mouth to answer her, but I was saved by the school bell.  
"To be continued, at lunch!" she yelled to me as she headed one way, while I went to rejoin Edward for class.  
Could I really think of Edward as more than my best friend? We had known each other for so long, that I almost thought of him as the brother I never had. Could I really be feeling more than brotherly love for Edward?

During lunch, I tried to make sure that I was constantly surrounded by people, so that Angela didn't get a chance to talk to me alone. We didn't have any classes together this semester, and for once, I was glad. I was afraid to face up to what could be my true feelings for Edward. I pretended to be interested in what Eric was telling me, all the while looking at the way Edward was with Jessica. He behaved with her in pretty much the same way that he behaved with me. When we were alone, his arms were always wrapped around me. He always looked at me with the same look of adoration he gave Jessica. Was the way he acted with me really different from the way he acted with Jessica? I didn't have the answer to the question.

After school, I hurried to meet Angela outside her class. I grabbed her, ducking into the bathroom with her.  
"Bella, wha-"  
"I think I'm in love with Edward Cullen," I blurted out. Angela just stood there, grinning at me. "What?"  
"It's took you long enough to figure it out," she laughed. "I realised ages ago!"  
"You did?" I was confused, to say the least. I wasn't aware that anyone was interested in the relationship between Edward and me.  
"Of course," she was smiling at me now. "I saw the way you reacted when Edward told you about him and Jessica." I had been so...what was the word? Mad? No. I had been sad. He had told me that he was going on a date with Jessica Stanley, and my answer was 'Why?'. I hadn't understood why Edward would want to date someone like Jessica. I mean, sure, she was popular and pretty and all, but she didn't exactly scream 'girlfriend material'. From what I'd heard, she'd already lost her virginity, and she'd also cheated on every guy she'd ever been with. When I'd tried to tell Edward all of this, he got a little mad. He didn't talk to me for a couple of days after that. I had cried for those couple of days.  
"So...what do I do?" I hoped that Angela had an idea, because I sure as hell didn't.  
"Well....I do have an idea..."

I was suddenly nervous as my dad pulled up outside the Cullens place. Angela had told me her plan, and, while she was confident it would work, I wasn't so sure. How was I supposed to get Edward away from Jessica long enough to tell him how I felt? How would he react when I did tell him? Would the girls in school hate me if I took him away from Jessica? There was so much that could go wrong, but I trusted Angela's judgement. She told me that she would sort everything out, and I had to believe her.  
I stepped out of the car, straight into Edward's arms. I smiled as he held me, greeting me the way he always did.  
"You're pretty, Bella," he stated, causing me to blush a little. I was wearing my blue dress, the one which he always complimented me on.  
"Have fun, kids," my dad never stayed for the parties, preferring his own company to a crowded room, even on his daughter's birthday. I didn't mind, since he was there for me every other day of the year.  
I was about to say something to Edward, when I saw Jessica's dad pull up. Before I could blink, Edward had removed himself from my arms and had headed over to _her_. **_I have no chance..._**

Carlisle and Esme had really outdone themselves this year. The whole house was decked out with pink, and they had cakes and food on almost every surface. As I entered, Alice ran into my arms. I laughed as I returned the hug and pulled back, grinning at her.  
"Hey, Ali," I took the card that she held out, and saw that she had tried to copy her brother, by making me a card herself. "Did you make this?" she nodded. "Well, it's lovely, thank you, Ali." She hugged me again before heading back to her parents. She was only 12, and still didn't really speak much, but I had a feeling that, given time, she would be impossible to shut up.  
I was greeted by many of my classmates as I made my way to Carlisle and Esme, thanking them for the party before heading off to find Angela. I was just about to head into the garden to look for her when the lights dimmed and were replaced with disco lights. Looking over, I realised that Carlisle and Esme had turned their living room into a disco, complete with a disco ball and DJ. I quickly hugged Esme before heading inside with everyone else.

After a couple of songs, I heard Angela's voice over the speaker system.  
"This one's especially for the birthday girl, so everyone grab a partner!"  
I got a little teary eyed as my mom's favourite song, "Can't Take My Eyes Off You," started playing. I side stepped Mike Newton, and headed over to the buffet table, knowing that there were only two people I wanted to dance to this song with, and neither of them would be able to. I found myself wondering what advice my mom would give me if she was here, and whether she would be proud of me.  
"May I have this dance?" Edward spoke from behind me. To say I was shocked would be an understatement.  
"What about Jessica?" I mumbled. I thought he would have wanted to dance with her over me.  
"Bella," he pulled me into his arms and started dancing with me before I had a chance to say no. "I know how much this song means to you. Besides, I think Jessica's doing just fine on her own," he nodded over to where she was now dancing with Mike. I didn't realise I had started crying again until Edward wiped a tear from my cheek. "Would you like to see your present now?" I nodded, and he took my hand, leading me away from the party and outside, into the garage.

There was a white sheet over a large rectangular structure. Edward covered my eyes with his hand before I heard him tear the sheet away. After a moment, he lifted his hand from my eyes, and I blinked in the sudden light. When my eyes refocused, I gasped at what I saw. Edward had made me a beautiful wooden frame, and inside the frame, there were all of my favourite photographs, including ones of my mom. I felt my eyes fill up again.  
"You like it?" there was some doubt in his voice.  
"I love it, Edward. You couldn't have made me anything more perfect." I hugged him tightly around his waist before moving over to look at the frame in more detail. It had intricate roses carved out of the wood. I could feel him watching me as I ran my fingers over the wood, and so I turned to face him. He came to me when he saw the tears in my eyes, smiling at me as he wiped them away, no doubt thinking that I was just overwhelmed at his gift. He held his arms open, and I instantly hugged him, loving it when he wrapped his arms around me protectively.  
"Love you," I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.  
"You too," he kissed my hair softly, but I knew that he didn't mean it in the same way that I did.

**I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I was in love with him that night. I knew that he was with Jessica, and I couldn't bring myself to break up their relationship. Or, worst case scenario, I couldn't bear to lose Edward as my friend. If he didn't feel the same way as me, would he be able to be around me, knowing that I loved him? And even if he did feel the same way, would our friendship be able to survive if our relationship crumbled? I didn't know if it could, and so I said nothing.  
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**So, what did everyone think? Please let me know by clicking on that little review button!!**

**xoxoxo**


	4. All I Need

**Apologies for not updating yesterday, but I was suddenly given a mound of work which should have taken me around 2 days to complete, but had to be done in less than 24 hours!! I just love university!!**

**I don't think there's much I can say about this chapter, I think it's pretty self-explanatory. Just continues straight on from the last chapter.**

**I'm trying to make each chapter as long as I can!!  
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**As I had predicted, Edward's relationship with Jessica didn't last long. They'd broken up after a couple of months because Edward didn't want to move their relationship forward by sleeping with her. Yep, Jessica was a sex fiend. Plus, Edward hated being called 'Eddie'. That was the first time I'd seen Edward cry. After Jessica had broken up with him, he had climbed up into my bedroom through my window, and broke down in my arms. I had never been so mad at another human being. At school the next day, Jasper, my older cousin, had to hold me back to prevent me from ripping her hair out. Boy, was my dad mad at me for that; the Police Chief's daughter fighting at school. He grounded me, of course, but that didn't stop me from being there for Edward; he simply climbed up through my window when my dad had fallen asleep, and we talked in whispers until the early hours of me morning. But, even though Edward was no longer with Jessica, I still couldn't bring myself to tell him how I felt about him. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind now that I was in love with Edward, but I couldn't risk losing him as a friend. I'd rather keep him as my best friend than lose him all together.

Over the next couple of months, Edward and I were inseparable again. Passers-by would comment on what a cute couple we made, which would make me blush, while Edward would wrap his arm tighter around my waist and grin. It was the start of summer break, and the end of junior year, when I met Jacob Black. That day turned my life upside down.

"Bella," my dad called from downstairs. I bounded down the stairs towards his voice, where he was talking to two strangers in the living room. He turned when he heard me. "Bella, this is my old friend, Billy Black, and his son, Jacob." Billy was in a wheelchair, so I bent down a little to shake his hand. His son, Jacob, was huge! He was at least six-feet tall, and was very muscular. "Jacob's going to be joining Forks High, but he's only in sophomore year." Holy crow! He was younger than me?! I noticed that Jacob had barely stopped looking at me since I'd entered the room, which was making me feel a little uncomfortable. So, I was thankful when there was a knock at the door.  
"I'll get it, dad." I left my dad to talk to Billy, grateful for my escape.

I opened the door to see Edward leaning against the wall. "Edward!"  
When he turned to look at me, he had a look of sadness in his eyes, and I immediately wondered what was wrong. He answered me as though he had read my mind.  
"Bella, I have to tell you something," he took my hand, leading me into the forest beside my house. He walked me a little way in, before sitting on one of the fallen logs. I knelt at his feet, my hands on his knees, my worries multiplied by his strange behaviour.  
"Edward? What is it?"  
He didn't look me in the eyes.  
"It's Esme," there were tears in his eyes. OK, I was scared now. "They found out she has cancer."  
My mouth fell open. No. Esme couldn't have cancer. She was so young, and healthy.  
"Isn't there anything they can do?" I managed to choke out.  
"Not here, no," he shook his head. "But, if we take her to California, they may have a chance to save her." I nodded. He was leaving me. He was leaving me to see if they could save Esme, who was as good as a mother to him.  
"Do what you have to do, Edward," I placed my hands over his. "Do all you can to save her. I'll be here, waiting for you when you get back."  
He pulled me up, so that I was sitting on the log with him, and we wrapped our arms around one another as we cried. I wished that there was something I could do to make him happy, but I felt so helpless.

Edward was leaving the next day. My dad took me over to the Cullens' place so that I could say my goodbyes. I hugged Alice as she got into the car, and promised her that I would look after Charlotte, her rabbit. I sobbed as I said what could be my last goodbye to Esme, promising that I would be there for her family if the worst should happen. I hugged Carlisle briefly, before he got into the car to allow me my goodbye with Edward.  
I was already sobbing as he pulled me into his arms.  
"I'll miss you so much," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his waist as tightly as I could.  
"I'll miss you, too," Edward was sobbing now, kissing my hair softly. "I'll be thinking of you every day." I nodded, afraid of my voice cracking.  
After what felt like an eternity, but what also came too soon, Edward pulled away from me.  
"Good luck," I whispered to him. "Hurry back to me."  
"I will," his hand stroked across my cheek. And then, he did something he'd never done before. He kissed my lips softly, before getting into the car. I watched until the car was out of sight before getting back into my dad's cruiser. I cried all the way home.

For the first few days, I did nothing but cry. I knew it was silly, that Edward would be back soon, but my life felt so empty without him. I kept expecting him to come knocking on my door, or to climb through my window at night. Even being with Angela wasn't helping me. She called me most days, and we hung out often, but she soon realised that she would never be able to get me back to the usual happy Bella while Edward was away.

Then, one day, about a month after Edward had left, Jacob Black came back into my life. I was walking along the beach at La Push when he came bounding over to me. I didn't recognise him at first, but once I realised who it was, I was almost relieved. At least I wasn't going to get attacked!  
"Bella!" he grinned, and then picked me up and spun me around as though he had known me all his life.  
"Um, Jacob, hi," was this normal behaviour for these Quileute boys?  
"My dad said that he'd seen you down on the Reservation, but I thought he was either lying or wrong. I thought you were pretty close to that guy who showed up at your house when we first met." That's odd. Why would he think his father would lie about seeing me here?  
"I am," I don't know why I got so defensive when he mentioned Edward, but I didn't like the way he was talking to me; like he knew me. "He's just gone away for summer break. He'll be back soon." I added the last part more as a reassurance for myself.  
"Oh, OK. Cool," Jacob seemed a little...flustered? "Hey, you wanna hang out sometime?"  
I was torn. Yes, Edward had kissed my lips before he had left for California, but what had it meant? I kissed Angela and Alice on the lips sometimes, but it didn't mean that I loved them. I loved Edward, but did that mean that I was supposed to sit around and wait for him to feel the same way about me? Did that mean that I had to forfeit my life? I didn't think it did. Edward was gone, for however little a time, and I needed someone. I needed someone to hang out with, and I needed someone to be there for me, while he was gone. I didn't want to give Jacob the wrong impression. Though, I had made it pretty clear that I was 'pretty close to that guy'.  
"Yeah, sure. Why not?" Jacob's face lit up. I mean, actually lit up.  
"Great! Well, we could go see a movie? I heard about a great new zombie movie..."  
"Why don't we keep it nice and simple?" I didn't want us to get into trouble for seeing a movie while underage. "Why don't we just grab some pizza?"  
"Yeah!" Wow, he's eager. I arranged a time and place for us to meet, and he hung on my every word. Yeah, tonight is going to be a fun night!

As I walked into the restaurant with Jacob, I felt like I was betraying Edward a little. I knew that he would want me to be happy while he was away, and that he wasn't _technically_ my boyfriend, but being with Jacob still seemed a little...wrong. I shook all of my bad feelings away, and tried to get myself to relax. Once we had ordered, Jacob leaned across the table towards me.  
"So Bella, tell me about yourself," he tried to smile sweetly at me, but I couldn't help comparing it to Edward's lovely crooked smile that I loved. Poor kid. He had no idea what he was up against.  
"Um, what do you wanna know?"  
"Everything there is to know about Isabella Marie Swan."

Jacob really did want to know _everything._ He asked me about my childhood, and seemed a little disappointed when Edward's name appeared in almost every story I told him. In fact, every time I mentioned Edward's name, he seemed to flinch, as though I had whipped him. Next, he wanted to know all about my time in high school; why I wasn't in the cheerleading squad, what the teachers in Forks High were like, which kids to get in with, and which to stay away from. In return, he told me some of the ancient Quileute stories, and also what it was like living as part of the tribe. He told me that he was leaving the school on the Reservation because he was being bullied by some of the older students. We talked about what we had been doing in summer break, and what we planned to do for the remainder. He dropped lots of hints about wanting to see me again. When he asked me why Edward had left, _I _was the one to flinch.  
"I don't wanna talk about that, I'm sorry," I excused myself at this point, and went into the bathroom to calm myself down. The last thing I wanted was for Jacob to see me cry. Over the last month, I'd had no contact with Edward whatsoever. I knew that he needed to focus on making Esme better, but surely he could spare a few minutes to call me? My dad kept reassuring me that Edward would call when he was ready, but I was starting to get annoyed. And anxious. And worried. It wasn't like Edward. Usually, when we'd been apart, even if only for a couple of days, he was calling me to make sure that I was alright. Even when I'd been ill and he hadn't been allowed to visit me, he'd called me every day to cheer me up. I knew that this was hard for Edward, but surely he realised that it was even harder for me, since I couldn't be there with him?

By the time I had calmed myself down enough to go back out, Jacob was gone. The table we had been sitting at was empty, and only a note remained.

_Bella,  
I'm really sorry for upsetting you.  
I don't know what I said, or what I did, but I am sorry.  
I've already paid for dinner, as my way of apologising.  
If this is the only time I get to spend with you, then I'm glad we met one another.  
I'll be on the beach everyday for the rest of summer break, hoping to see you there.  
I'm sorry,  
Jacob._

Great, now I felt bad about making Jacob feel guilty.

I headed down to La Push early next morning. I had to make sure that Jacob was alright, and let him know that he didn't upset me yesterday. I couldn't see him, so I sat down near the shore, and stared out into the ocean. I was so mad. I was mad at myself, for making poor Jacob feel like this. I was angry because, if there was a God, he had let Esme get cancer. Esme, who had never hurt anyone in her life. Esme, who always saw the good in people and tried to help them no matter what. But mostly, I was angry at Edward. I was hurt that he hadn't called me. Today was the anniversary of my mom's death, and yet he still hadn't called me. That had hurt me more than anything. As I started out at the ocean, I let the tears fall freely down my cheeks. This was the first time in almost ten years that Edward had not been here for me on this day. I didn't move as someone sat down beside me. I knew who it was before they spoke.  
"Hey."  
"Hey, Jacob."  
He didn't ask me why I was crying. He didn't say anything else at all. He just put his arm around me and held me while I cried.

It was a good while later before either of us spoke again.  
"I'm sorry about yesterday, Jacob. I shouldn't have gotten upset like that."  
"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you why Edward left. I just have a big mouth, and it tends to run away from me sometimes."  
"It's just, I haven't heard from him since he left, so I was already a little upset anyway," I tried my best to take away some of the guilt he was feeling.  
"Sure, sure. Hey, you don't have to explain yourself to me, right?"  
I nodded, laying my head on his shoulder.  
"Are you alright though, Bella? You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, but I just thought I'd offer...just in case..."  
"It's the anniversary of my mom's death today. It's the first time I've spent it alone in 10 years." I don't know why I answered him, but something about him just made me trust him. Jacob held me a little closer to his side, before kissing my forehead.  
"Well, maybe this year, you can spend it with me, if you'd like?"  
I nodded.  
"I'd like that. Plus, I need to pay you back for last night..."  
"Nah, forget it. What's the price of a pizza between friends?"  
When we left the beach later that day, I'd gained a friend in Jacob Black. I just hoped that I was only a friend to him, as well.

The next couple of weeks passed in a blur. Now that I was friends with Jacob, my days were always full of laughter, whereas before, they had been filled with misery. The days seemed to fly over now, Jacob was either at my house, or we were in his garage while he fixed up the car he was going to drive once he was legally able to do so. Before I knew where I was, it was almost time for me to start my senior year of high school. Jacob was now spending more time at my house than my dad. Tonight was the last night that I would see Jacob before we both started back at Forks High, and we had ordered some pizza. We were laughing and joking about something, when Jacob suddenly leaned over and kissed me. I was momentarily shocked, and when I didn't respond, he pulled back.  
"Sorry," he mumbled, clearly embarrassed.  
"Don't be," I shook my head. "It was just a little...unexpected, that's all."  
He took my hand.  
"I really like you, Bella," he leaned in towards me, silently asking for my permission this time. I pulled away before our lips met.  
"I'm sorry, Jacob. But I can't..."  
"Yeah," he nodded, his eyes sad. "I know, it's Edward, right?"  
I didn't say anything. I didn't need to. We both knew how I felt about Edward.  
"I'm sorry..."  
"Sure, sure. Hey, don't worry about it. I mean, if he turns you down, you know you've always got me, right?"  
"Yeah," I smiled at him. "Thank you for understanding, Jacob."  
"Sure, sure," he grinned, but it didn't reach his eyes. With that, he turned and climbed out of my window, disappearing into the night.

Damn, what had I started?

We started school the next day, and I was anxious to see Edward. I hadn't seen or heard from him all summer, and all I wanted to do was to throw my arms around him and ask about Esme. I waited by the picnic benches until the first bell rang, but when I still hadn't spotted him, I thought I'd just missed him in the crowd. But, as the day passed, I still never caught a glimpse of him. He was supposed to be with me in several of my classes, but he was never there. At lunch, I was sitting at our usual table with Angela when Jacob bounded over to me.  
"Hey, Jake," I moved along to clear a space for him.  
"Hey, Bells. This place is crazy!" I laughed as Jacob told me about his morning. I was glad to hear that he was enjoying himself here. Not only had he started making friends, but it seemed as though he was going to be pretty popular with the ladies as well. Being with him took my mind off my missing best friend for a while.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur, and was constantly filled with the absence of Edward. Not only was I worried, but now, I was a little pissed. As soon as the end of day bell rang, I shot out of my class and started to head home.  
"Bella!"  
I turned to see Jacob running after me.  
"Let me walk you home?"  
"Sure," I nodded, smiling. "I could use the company."  
"Still no Edward?" he asked as we started walking.  
I shook my head. The rest of the way home, Jacob filled me in on the rest of his day, and I laughed as he told me that he'd already been asked out by five girls, two of them in senior year, and one of them, no prizes for guessing, was Jessica.  
"I'd stay away from her," I warned him, filling him in on all of Jessica's misadventures.  
"It's OK," he grinned. "I only have eyes for one girl." We'd arrived outside my house, and his eyes were staring directly into mine. I blushed a little, shifting my bag on my arm.  
"Jake...please..." I pleaded with him. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what to do. I loved Edward. But I was sick of sitting around, waiting for my so-called 'best friend' to come back, or to grace me with a phone call.  
He shifted towards me, placing his hands on either one of my arms. Before I could react, before I could even blink, his lips were on mine. This time, I didn't pull away from him. This time, I kissed him back. He released my lips after a few moments, resting his forehead against mine.  
"See you tomorrow," he kissed my forehead.  
I nodded, and he turned from me and headed home. I stared after him, not sure of what I had started, and not sure of where I wanted it to go from here.

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**xoxoxo  
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	5. Is You Next To Me

**Thanks to all who have reviewed so far! And, for those who haven't; don't be shy!!**

**This chapter's sort of just a filler chapter. I thought we should get a little of Edward's perspective into this, to gauge his feelings in regards to Bella's new relationship with Jacob. Plus, I kinda miss writing from Edward's perspective, but, this is the first time I've done it with Edward as a human, so forgive me any mistakes!!**

**Oh, and don't be afraid to mention any suggestions for me, about where to take this story next, etc. I'd love to know what you'd like to happen!**

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I couldn't believe that we'd been away for so long. I was grateful, of course, that the doctors in California were able to save Esme when Carlisle couldn't. But I'd missed Bella like crazy. Every time I'd gone to pick up the phone to call her, I couldn't face hearing her voice and not being able to see her face, or touch her. Every time I went to write her, I never knew what to say to her. Bella deserved more than my hand written letters. And so, I had gone on without contact from her through all of summer, desperately praying for Esme to make a quick recovery so that we could head back to Forks.

Esme had made remarkable progress by the end of the first month. She had responded extraordinarily well to Chemotherapy, and was well into her rehabilitation. But, the doctors said that she'd be better off remaining in California for as long as possible, believing that the sun and good weather would make her progress even quicker. And so, naturally, Carlisle had decided that we were to stay in California until it was time for Alice and me to start back at school. Carlisle knew how hard I was finding it, being away from Bella, but he had to put the needs of his fragile wife first, and I respected that. I was so happy that Esme was going to make a full recovery; I just wanted to share the news with Bella.

When it finally came to the day we were to leave, Carlisle announced that we were going to be remaining in California for the foreseeable future. That had hit a nerve with me.  
"Carlisle, this is my senior year!" I had tried to make him see reason. "I can't just go changing schools now!"  
"You're a bright student, Edward," Carlisle insisted. "I'm sure you'll do just fine whichever school you attend."  
_**Not when all of my thoughts are constantly on my best friend, **_I thought.  
"Please, Carlisle," I pleaded with him. I had promised Bella that I would hurry back to her, and I had already kept her waiting for me for long enough.

But Carlisle wouldn't budge. He was determined to stay here, with Esme, while she recuperated. I went to visit my mother in the hospice where she was staying, to get her to try to talk some sense into my father.  
"Carlisle won't let me go back to Forks," I began. "I'm in senior year, Esme. If I don't go back, I might never get into college!"  
"Edward," Esme's voice was kind, as usual. Despite all she had been through, Esme had remained positive, and still never had a bad word to say about anyone, or anything. "I think we both know that it's not high school that you're eager to get back to."  
_**Huh?**_ I wasn't expecting her to come out with something like this.  
Esme smiled at me, a look of knowing in her eyes.  
_**I wish **_**I **_**knew what she knew...  
**_"Edward, I know how sad you've been since we came here. It was written all over your face when we first left. You never wanted to come here."  
"No," I shook my head. "I would do anything to make you better..."  
"I know that, son," she touched my face lightly. "And I'm grateful to you, for coming all this way, for all this time, to support me through this difficult time. But, I'm recovering now, son. You can go. You don't have to feel guilty."  
_**Yeah, I'm still confused...  
**_Esme laughed at the expression on my face; my confusion must be etched there for all to see.  
"Go to her, Edward. Go to Bella, hold her, and tell her that you love her."  
I raised an eyebrow in confusion. That was the last thing I was expecting her to say.  
"Oh, Edward," she chuckled. "Surely you must have realised by now? I'm sure that she has. That little kiss you gave her when we left proved it all. You find it so hard to be away from her, even when you live in the same town as one another, never mind when you're on the other side of the country..."

OK, so that conversation with Esme was the last thing that I had expected. I had known that Bella and I were close...but could I really be in love with her? I shook my head as I started packing my belongings. Carlisle wasn't happy with me, I could sense that much. But what more could he do? Esme had given me her blessing to leave; in fact, she was practically begging me to. He thought that I was betraying my family in their time of need, but Esme didn't see it that way. She had had a life with me for 13 years; now, it was time for me to go and live my own life, to fall in love, to see the world through my own eyes. She had given me all the guidance that she could. Now, it was my turn to make a decision. She had left the choice up to me.  
_"I'm not going to decide for you, Edward," she had said. "This is your choice; I cannot take it from you. But, I am giving you my blessing. You can stay here, with me, with your family, and never know how it feels to hold your true love in your arms. Or, you can go, back to Forks, back to Bella, and you can be truly happy, with a family of your own. For once in your life, you can have everything that you ever wanted. Carlisle will not stop you, if you want to leave, knowing that I have given my blessing, and he will give you the funds you need to get back." She had kissed my forehead. "You are my son, and no matter what you choose to do, now, or in the future, I will always love you."_

And so, here I was, sitting on a plane with my uncle Emmett, whom Carlisle had asked to take care of me while he was in California. As if it wasn't bad enough that I was being babysat by a man I barely knew, my flight back to Sea-Tac airport had been delayed, and as a result, I wouldn't make it back in time for school. I was resolved to let my uncle handle the baggage at the airport, while I would head straight back to Forks, back to Bella. I'd calculated that, by the time I arrived back in Forks, she would be arriving home from school, and I planned to surprise her by being there, waiting for her.  
"Edward?" Emmett had a look of concern in his eyes when I turned to face him. "I know that Esme gave you her blessing to leave, but I was just wondering _why_...I mean, surely she needs you, now more than ever?"  
I sighed. I really didn't want to have to explain myself to a man I hardly knew, but he was Carlisle's brother, and, since I was going to be living with him for the foreseeable future, I thought it best if I were honest with him.  
"Because Esme knows how hard it is for me, being in California. She knows that it was hurting my very soul, being away from my love for such a long time." I had hoped that he would leave it there, but he didn't. He just kept questioning me, about my life, about Bella. Eventually, to shut him up, I feigned sleep, deciding that I would not 'wake up' until the plane was safely on the ground, and I could make my escape. Yeah, I'd be spending a _lot _of time at Bella's place.

As soon as we touched down, I was fidgeting in my seat, looking at the light above me which would tell me that I could remove my seat belt and make my escape. I removed my seat belt as soon as the light flicked off, and was the first one at the door of the plane. I could hear my uncle calling after me, but I was gone. I flew down the steps of the aircraft and into the airport building. I walked as quickly as I could through to the security gate, without it looking like I was a terrorist or something. As soon as my passport had been checked, I was outside, flagging down a taxi. Emmett was calling my cell, but I ignored him. I gave the driver Bella's address, and felt more at home than I had done in months. Soon, I would be reunited with Bella, and I would declare my love for her. As we passed into the Forks boundary, Bella would be finishing school. I looked up as the cab came to a sudden stop, and saw that a lorry was blocking the road. I jumped out of the cab, throwing a fistful of notes to the driver, and sped away on foot. As a result of the blockade, I would now have to rearrange my little surprise; I wouldn't arrive at Bella's house before she did. Instead, a simple knock on the door would have to suffice. As I rounded the corner which would see me directly opposite her house, I slowed a little as I heard voices. The first one I heard made my heart flutter. Bella. I had gone so long without hearing her voice that I'd almost forgotten what it sounded like.  
"Jake...please..." her voice sounded...desperate? I couldn't go any longer without seeing her face, so I rounded the corner silently and watched from the trees. I felt like a creepy stalker, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't want to interrupt her conversation, but I didn't want to wait another moment. She was standing outside of her house, her mahogany hair a lot longer than I remembered it. She was talking to another boy; he looked a little older than her. Maybe 19?  
The boy, Jake, didn't answer her. Instead, he put his hands around her arms and kissed her gently.  
_**No! **_Every nerve in my body was itching to head over and rip him off her. But then, she did something I didn't expect. She kissed him back. It felt as though I'd been punched in the gut. How could she have forgotten me? The boy kissed her forehead one last time before walking away from her. She stared after him for a moment before walking into her house. She didn't notice me standing in the forest.

_**You brought this all on yourself. You never told her that you loved her. She's free to kiss whoever she likes. **_Oh, shut up.

I took a moment to collect myself before walking over and knocking on her door. I didn't know what I was going to say to her. Was I going to beg her to leave her boyfriend for me? Before I could decide, the door opened and her beautiful face appeared in the gap. She gasped, before opening the door wider. I thought that she was going to hug me, but instead, she slapped me. In the face.  
_**That's what you get for leaving her, asshole.  
**_"How dare you, Edward Cullen?!" there were tears streaming down her face. _**Great, now you made her cry. **_"You're gone for months, and I don't get one phone call?!"  
"I..." I didn't know how I could explain myself to her. Before I could answer her, she threw her arms around me and sobbed into my chest. I hugged her close to me, moving us inside her house and closing the door behind us. We stood in front of the door for what seemed like hours, but was probably only minutes, neither of us willing to part.  
"I'm so sorry, Bella. You have no idea how much I wanted to call you, even just to hear your voice."  
"Then why didn't you?" She was staring up at me, so much hurt and anger in her eyes. I wiped some of her tears away.  
"I..." where did I even begin? "I couldn't face it, Bella. I couldn't face hearing your voice and not being able to see you. I couldn't bare talking to you, and not being able to hold you. I..."  
I looked away from her eyes. I couldn't bare this. I couldn't stand that I'd hurt her.  
"I was selfish," I told her. "I was selfish, and I can't apologise enough. I hurt you in order to remain unhurt myself. I'm sorry."  
There was a moment of awkward silence between us.  
"How's Esme?" her eyes were begging me to give her some good news.  
"She's fine," I grinned at her. "She's completely cured. Carlisle and Alice are still in California while she recovers, but..."  
"But?" she looked up at me expectantly.  
"I...I decided that I had to come back. I...." I hesitated. I still didn't know whether I should tell her the real reason for my return. If she was with Jake now...  
_**Oh, grow a backbone already!  
**_"I missed you so much, Bella. Every day, I woke up, knowing that it was yet another day that I would have to live through without seeing your face. I mean, in the beginning, I couldn't bear to leave Esme when she needed me so much, but now that she's feeling better...I was going to stay with her, but she gave me her blessing to come back. She....she knew that I needed to see you again, to be with you again."  
Bella didn't say anything for a good while. When she walked into her kitchen, I gave her a few minutes to pull herself together. I was inwardly cursing myself for ever leaving her, but I knew that I had to, at the time. After a few minutes, I followed her through. She was crying at the kitchen table. I flew to her side, taking her in my arms, praying that she didn't push me away. She didn't.  
"You weren't there..." she sobbed into my chest. "For the first time since we met. You weren't there."  
Of course! The anniversary of her mom's death. _**I am such a douche.  
**_"Oh, God, Bella, I am so sorry!" I cradled her against my chest, rocking her back and forth to soothe her. "Esme was in surgery that day, and it completely slipped my mind." I really wasn't trying to make any excuses for my behaviour, but I had been so pre-occupied that day. I had thought of Bella, of course, but the date, and it's meaning, had completely slipped my mind. _**Yeah, nice save. **_Oh, shut up!

I held her in the kitchen until it started to grow dark outside. I briefly wondered where Charlie was. I moved to switch on a light, and started to cook some food for Bella. I had a lot to make up for, and thought that cooking a meal would help. I wanted to lighten the mood, to ease some of the tension between us. _**Yeah, and you're curious about her new boyfriend. **_  
"So, how was your first day of senior year?"  
"The same as junior year," she shrugged. She was clearly still pissed. _**And with good reason.**_  
I was too nervous about Jake. I couldn't stand it anymore. I needed to know where I stood, if there was any hope that she could be mine.  
"I...er...I saw you with a boy today...before I came over..."  
"So?" she was cold, defensive. Not a good sign.  
"Jake? He's..." she sighed, placing her head in her hands. I placed my hands on her shoulders, but she flinched away from my touch. That hurt me.  
"Edward, I..." it felt so good to hear her say my name in that soft way again. "I need some time. I need to get my head sorted. I don't know what to think about anything anymore. I don't know where I stand, with anyone, anymore."  
I took this as my cue to leave, and so I took her hands into mine and nodded. I deserved as much. She didn't know if she could trust me.  
"I _will _earn your trust back someday, Isabella Swan. If it kills me, you _will_ trust me again."  
I couldn't bear to tell her how I really felt about her, not after I'd hurt her so much. I didn't deserve for her to love me back. If she wanted to be with this Jake kid, I had to let her. I didn't own her, and I certainly didn't have any authority over her after the way I'd acted. "Please, Bella. Just tell me that you can _try _to forgive me. I can't bear to lose you. Not like this."  
She nodded. I kissed her tentatively on the lips, never wanting to leave her again, but also knowing that she needed me to. I stood on her door step until she closed the door behind her. Sighing, I made my way home, now dreading the wrath of my uncle, along with everything else.

If she told me that she wanted to be with Jake, but could still trust me as her friend, I wouldn't argue with her. Although it would kill me to watch them together, I would let her go. Her happiness was the most important thing to me. But, if she told me that she could never trust me again, I didn't know what I would do. I just knew that I _needed _her in my life, no matter what it meant for our relationship. I needed her as a friend, at the very least.

After a small confrontation with Emmett, I headed straight up to my room. I really couldn't care less about anything he had to say to me at this moment in time. My cell rang a couple of times, but each time, I noticed Esme's name on screen, and let it ring straight to voicemail. I couldn't face her, not until I knew where things stood with Bella. I brooded for a good while, letting the pain that I had felt at Bella's house overcome me. My heart felt as though it would burst from the pain of watching her kiss someone else. I glanced over to my CD collection, which was ordered according to Bella's favourites. They were a reminder of all of the good times we had spent together, when everything was easy, and she trusted me with her life. I walked over and flung all of the CDs off the shelf, scattering them all around my room, followed by my DVD collection. Either Emmett hadn't heard the noise, or he had thought it best to leave me to my destruction until I had calmed down a little. I threw myself down onto my bed and let the pain overwhelm me. Hopefully, by this time tomorrow, I would know Bella's decision. And, hopefully, I would still be a part of her life, however small a part she wanted me to play.

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	6. Our Very First Fight

**Hi everyone.**

**First off, I must apologise for the LONG delay in me posting an update to this story. In danger of sounding like I'm just trying to buy you off with excuses, I just have to say that the time of last year when I started to post this was the most hectic time of my life, and there were lots of reasons why I was sidetracked, including a lack of muse/inspiration to enable me to write this next chapter. I think *fingers crossed* that I now have my muse and inspiration back, and I'm hoping to wrap this up in the next couple of months, depending on how often I am able to update.**

**Apologies again for the long delay in posting an update.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, which is kind of just a repeat of the last chapter from Bella's POV.**

**xoxoxo**

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Bella's POV:

I was awake all night. Thoughts were whirring round and round in my head, and I wasn't entirely sure what was going on. It was like an out of body experience; I was aware of most of what had happened yesterday, but it was as though it was happening to someone else entirely.

First, there was the whole situation with Jake. I knew that he wanted us to be more than friends, but if I was honest with myself, I was still completely hung up on Edward, and even though he hadn't graced me with a phone call for months, I knew that, when he did return, there would be a lot for us to talk about. I wanted to have things straight with Edward before I even thought about starting anything with Jake. He seemed to understand that I was still hung up on Edward, but then he had kissed me, that first time, and it just felt...nice. Maybe it was just that _someone _wanted me, that even though my best friend was away, I still meant _something _to _someone._ Another part of me was wracked with guilt, though. I know it was stupid; after all, Edward must not care that much for me if he can't even grace me with a phone call. But even so, I felt as though I was betraying him, somehow. And then yesterday, the first day of school , Jake decides to go and kiss me again. More than that, I _let_ him, and I kissed him back! As soon as I had gotten inside, away from Jake, I have almost broken down. This wasn't fair, on either of us. I knew that Jake would never be able to replace the Edward-shaped hole in my heart, and it was unfair of me to string him along like this. Having Jake there as a friend was great, but I just couldn't see myself with him like I saw myself with Edward. With Edward, it was like I could see us five, ten, twenty years down the line, still together, still strong. With Jake, I could still see us five years from now, but as _friends. _I knew that I would never share with him the same connection I felt with Edward. So I had made my ind up. Tomorrow, I was going to set Jake straight, to tell him that I loved him as a friend, but that I would never be _in love_ with him.

And then, Edward had appeared at my door. When the initial second of shock had worn off, I was so happy to see him that I felt as though I would burst. But, the next second, I remembered why I was mad at him, so as I opened the door wider, I slapped him in the face. It was all he deserved, I decided in that moment. Seeing him again brought all of my feelings rushing back to me, but at the moment, the fact that I was mad at him overrode all of those feelings.

_"How dare you, Edward Cullen?" I screeched at him. I could feel the tears streaming down my face, but I couldn't have stopped them even if I had wanted to. "You're gone for months, and I don't get one phone call?"  
"I..." I didn't give him time to answer, instead throwing my arms around him. He pulled me close as I sobbed into his chest, and it felt so good to have him near to me again. I inhaled his scent, the scent that was pure Edward, and in that instant, I was happier than I had been in months. We moved back inside my house and closed the door behind us, standing hugging in the doorway for what felt like forever.  
"I'm so sorry, Bella. You have no idea how much I wanted to call you, even just to hear your voice." It was so good to hear his voice again. I realised now just how much I had missed it. I could hear the regret and sorrow laced in his voice, and it softened me a little.  
"Then why didn't you?" I knew that he could see the hurt behind my eyes; he knew me so well, it was like he could read my thoughts. He wiped some of my tears away gently with his thumbs.  
"I..." he struggled to find the words, and I began to realise just how hard this had been for him. "I couldn't face it, Bella. I couldn't face hearing your voice and not being able to see you. I couldn't bare talking to you, and not being able to hold you. I..." So, he had done it for the exact same reasons I had half-dreaded hearing his voice. "I was selfish," I could hear the pain in his voice, and I knew that he was hurting because he had hurt me. "I was selfish, and I can't apologise enough. I hurt you in order to remain unhurt myself. I'm sorry."  
We shared a moment of awkward silence. It was odd, and it scared me, because the silences between us were usually full of understanding, because there was nothing that needed to be said. This silence was because neither of us knew what to say next.  
__"How's Esme?" I needed to break the silence, and was just relieved that I had a way I could do that. I was desperate for news of the woman who had become like a second mom to me; desperate for him to tell me that she was going to be OK.  
"She's fine," I felt myself visibly relax as the words left his mouth, finding myself soften even more as the crooked smile I had missed so much crossed his face. "She's completely cured. Carlisle and Alice are still in California while she recovers, but..." he paused, and I was finding it difficult to predict what he was going to say next.  
"But...?"  
"I...I decided that I had to come back. I..." this was so unlike Edward. He was usually honest and open with me, but today, he seemed unsure of himself, of whether he should say what he obviously wanted to say. "I missed you so much, Bella. Every day, I woke up, knowing that it was yet another day that I would have to live through without seeing your face. I mean, in the beginning, I couldn't bear to leave Esme when she needed me so much, but now that she's feeling better...I was going to stay with her, but she gave me her blessing to come back. She...she knew that I needed to see you again, to be with you again."  
I was speechless for a moment. Here he was, telling me everything that I ever wanted him to tell me, but not, at the same time. He was telling me that he missed me, but what did that mean? That he missed me as a friend, or as something more? He needed to be with me again, but again, did he mean as a friend, or something more than friends? I had to get away for a moment to clear my head and moved through to the kitchen, glad that he didn't follow me straight away. I was running through the last few months in my head, but I just couldn't get past one part of the time we had spent apart. Even with everything going on in his life, I had thought that, the one day I had needed him, more than any other, Edward would have been there for me, even if all he could offer me was a phone call. I just couldn't get past that. I half-collapsed into a seat at the kitchen table, the tears running down my face thicker than before. I couldn't see Edward, but I knew that he was there, and the next second, he was by my side, pulling me into his arms.  
__"You weren't there..." I sobbed into his chest. "For the first time since we met. You weren't there." I hoped that he knew what I was talking about. I didn't know if I could bring myself to say the words out loud.  
__"Oh, God, Bella, I am so sorry!" I could hear the sorrow and regret in his voice as he cradled me protectively against his chest. "Esme was in surgery that day, and it completely slipped my mind." I understood, of course I did, but it was still a shock to the system to be alone on the one day of the year when I needed him most. I knew that he would have been there with me if he could. Despite this, I still found myself channelling some of the anger I had felt before. I knew Edward hadn't set out to hurt me on purpose, but his rejection of me over the last few months hurt so goddamn much. _

_"So, how was your first day of senior year?" Edward's voice was light as he served me dinner. I knew he wanted us to go back to how we were before, but I had so much that I needed to sort out in my head before I could talk to him about it._  
_"The same as junior year," I shrugged, not making eye contact. I knew that he knew that I was still pissed at him, but at that moment, there was nothing I could do to change how I felt._  
_"I...er...I saw you with a boy today...before I came over..." Crap. Edward had seen me with Jake, had most probably saw me kissing Jake. He sounded heartbroken._  
_"So?" I kept my voice cool, none of the softness I would usually allow myself with Edward was allowed through._  
_"Jake? He's..." I sighed, not letting him finish. I couldn't deal with this, not right now. He placed a hand on my shoulders, but I forced myself to move away from him. For now._  
_"Edward, I..." how could I get him to understand without hurting him? I decided that honesty was always the best policy. "I need some time. I need to get my head sorted. I don't know what to think about anything anymore. I don't know where I stand, with anyone, anymore." Edward didn't press the matter, for which I was grateful. I hoped that he would let me have the time and space I needed to clear my head, and I hoped that he would still be there for me when I got myself pulled round again. _  
_"I _will _earn your trust back someday, Isabella Swan. If it kills me, you _will _trust me again."_ _His words gave me faith that he would be there for me, no matter what._ "_Please, Bella. Just tell me that you can try to forgive me. I can't bear to lose you. Not like this." I nodded, hoping beyond hope that we were going to be able to go back to the way we had been before this whole mess had happened. Edward leaned in and kissed me softly, and I felt my heart flutter in my chest. Part of me never wanted him to leave, for him to keep on kissing me, but another part of me knew that I needed this time alone to figure things out. I didn't want to be leading either Edward or Jake on. I closed the door behind me and sighed, knowing that it was going to be a tough night ahead. This was the first time I had ever fought with Edward, I realised, and I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit.  
_

That was yesterday, and now, today, I knew that I had to see them both again, and that one of them would inevitably end up being disappointed in my decision and getting his heart broken. I knew which one I wanted to be with, and I knew which one I wanted to keep as my friend. Now, I just had to find the words to tell them both, and to live with myself and the despair I knew I would cause.

_

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**A/N: Thought I'd leave you with a nice little cliffy :)**_  
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